mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
