she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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