I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
