she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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