if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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