I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
