Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
