Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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