also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
His nipple licking is glorious
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
