Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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