Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's blow job season.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
