your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
