what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
