I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
