I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
