And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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