Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
