I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
