the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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