Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
