im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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