Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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