Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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