Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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