quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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