I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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