grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
