I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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