Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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