If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
