Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
