Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
