woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
