Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize