i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
