I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
