Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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