Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
