I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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