are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
