haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
