dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
