Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
