three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
