So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
