Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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