I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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