so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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