you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
