sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
