Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
