I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
