so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
