on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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