So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
