I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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