I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
