I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
