just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
