Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
