No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
