So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
