All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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