Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
