i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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