Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
