Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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