Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
